today, at 6pm, i will be putting my cat to sleep. she never recovered from her illness and has been suffering from ulcers, nausea, vomiting and anorexia for far too long. it has to end.
i know that it’s the right thing to do but it certainly isn’t the easy thing to do. it’s sad, upsetting, frustrating and seems unfair. i don’t want to let her go. i will miss her far too much. she’s been one amazing cat to me.
lately i’ve been petting her a lot and telling her stories, set to the sound of her (unusual) quiet purrs. about how i got to have her, what she used to do as a kitten, and examples of how clever she could be. i’ve been talking to her a lot, telling her how i feel and how i will remember her. about how much i love her and how thankful i am that i got to spend 5 happy years with her. it seems though that no matter what i do or say, i feel like i should do more.
i might be quiet over the next few days, while i try to deal with this. she will leave a big empty hole in my life.